While undergoing uncrossing work and healing yourself is important work in itself, it raises the question: what are we healing for?
In the post outlining the uncrossing procedure, I mentioned that my first teacher had a framework that included refocusing the individual toward more positive things. This is an important and often overlooked component of any healing – what are you really healing for? At its core, it is about being more engaged with our lives. We want to heal from trauma so that we are more open to intimacy and vulnerability, or less volatile and fearful. We want to heal injuries so that we can move more freely and enjoy the full capabilities of our bodies. There is an underlying awareness that there are things we are here to do, or desire to do, and then there are things standing in our way. This is the underlying concept behind being ‘crossed’, that we are moving contrary to the grain or current.
Unfortunately, it is easy to get caught up in the focus of ‘recovering.’ This results in extended periods of time dwelling on the hurt or endlessly exercising healing rituals or meditations, or talking about the same situation repeatedly without any shift. It is in itself a form of fixation or possession. The solution here is to have a sense of direction, or something to focus on and dedicate yourself to, that lies beyond the work of healing. This sounds like a big deal, but don’t overcomplicate it.
This does not mean you need to know what your whole life is for or what you want to do for the rest of time. Let that go. We do not know what the future will bring or how our paths will change us. What you want is a trajectory. Something that you can move toward that is alive for you. Something that makes you feel like you’re not wasting your time, something with a bit of a challenge to it. This could be learning an instrument, or a language you’ve always dreamt of speaking. It could be joining a book club or a gym, or joining a sports team. Find something that holds your attention, that draws you in, and set your sights on it. Do not be concerned with the outcome (i.e., this isn’t about ‘being a celebrity’ so much as it is living as a true expression of yourself), unless your goal is something like ‘get out of debt.’
Our society has an unfortunate relationship with the idea of wanting. We export our desire to brands and marketers, follow trends, while being bombarded with advertisements and awash in a contradictory sea of vaguely articulated and half understood ethical dictums about detachment or consumerism. Tune it all out. The point of this exercise is to work out what *you* want. Not want you think you should want; not what your parents or partner or friends want for you: What do you actually want?
If you’re coming up blank, then you need to spend some time with this. Try sitting with the idea that you have your desires for a reason. It is a part of your reason for being here and an aspect of the universe seeking expression through you. If you deny yourself your desires, you are refusing a quest from the divine (however you conceive of it). It is not wrong to want. Striving to fulfil your desires requires engagement with the world and a life of generative productivity. This results in a network effect that encourages and improves what is around you.
You might like to try some of the critical path exercises suggested by writers like Chris Guillebeau or the ideas and practices of Mitch Horowitz. I recommend checking out the art of non-conformity blog for some inspiration, as well as Horowitz’s “Miracle Habits” and “Miracle Club” books. The gist of this post is that you need to have something to focus on beyond getting past your rough-patch. This helps to bring you into alignment with your flow and “good luck.”
Depending on your personality, you might want to have a precise roadmap or sequence of goals, or you might prefer to have an idea of your ideal day. At the very least, you want to bring some awareness to your own wants and note what they are (and what they aren’t)! You might find yourself surprised to realise you’re not that far from your perfect day, or that you’ve been investing a lot of energy into things that simply aren’t aligned with what you really want for yourself. This is important. The question to ask is: what are you going to do about it? Some version of the Ideal Day enchantment pathway liked above is probably worth keeping in mind, but the important thing is to find something you can begin to take steps toward as part of your recovery process.
Personally, when I am feeling lost or disconnected from what I should do next, I find it helpful to look over my life at the things that have given the most value or have remained the most consistent. There are things that come and go or rise and fall in their importance, but there are a handful of interests and skills that have been with me as long as I can remember. The fact that I still feel connected to these things makes them significant in that ‘perhaps destiny’ kind of way. Like my personality was portioned out a sliver of Wyrd that connects and holds a few things which follow me around regardless of what else is going on. Maybe you have noticed similar things?
Don’t be too attached to how these things play out in your life but don’t let go of yourself either.
Good luck and go nuts.
arawnbel 